Breeds of Barn Rat: Which Personality are You?
By Madi Hunter
We can all attest to the fact that every barn has a smattering of personalities that shine through — whether the quirks are attached to humans or horses. The barn is a strange and wonderful place where the “horse girl” phase never dies, and everyone has a strong opinion about blanketing and which fly spray actually works.
You know them, you love them… and if you don’t, you are them. So, without further ado, here’s an unofficial and completely correct guide to the various types of Barn Rats you’ll find loitering in the tack room, setting jumps, or sneaking extra carrots after feeding time.
The Neat Freak
Have you ever seen a shaving out of place after The Neat Freak finishes barn chores? I didn’t think so. Their tack? Every piece of leather smooth, every metal finish spit-shined, looking like they just ripped the tack store tag off. Their horses’ socks? So white you can see your reflection in them, even after they exit the show ring after a long day.
The Safety Conscious
A blur of fabric is spinning your way, reminding you to put your safety vest, helmet, and gloves on before mounting up. They already have theirs on, and have since before they stepped out of their car. You never have to worry around The Safety Conscious because they take all the precautions necessary when at the barn, including “never” walking behind a horse or putting their knee on the ground when bending to pick something up. But 911 is always on speed dial… “just in case”.
The Barn Mom/Dad
“Do you need a granola bar before your round? How about some water?” Before you even answer, both items are being pulled out of their ringside backpack and handed to you. They are always there to hold your horse during a bathroom break… and to hold your hand after a less-than-ideal day of showing. The Barn Mom/Dad model comes free with the sage advice that you usually don’t want to hear.
The Overthinker
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Texts 4, 5, and 6 asking you (again) what time they need to arrive for their regular weekly lesson tomorrow. Oh, and could you please remember to video all of the lesson this time? They have to review all the footage in detail so they can analyze their decisions in the saddle before next week’s lesson. They are often seen wondering aloud if their horse is mad at them or musing on the way home about whether or not the water spigot was turned all the way off. They’ll text you later about that, too.
The Content Creator
Usually seen setting up at least 3 different tripods before doing anything in order to get all the viewpoints for the vlog that will be posted on TikTok later. Yes, they do know all the best angles for their horse’s photos. Yes, there is always time for a selfie. Can also be seen shouting, “can you do that again?!” repeatedly from across the arena. They wouldn’t want you to look bad in the next vlog, obviously.
The Fearless One
No saddle? No problem. This model comes with a tray of their best homemade cookies or brownies made for their trainer and lessonmates because they fell off last week… again. They would 110% continue riding the super opinionated pony they only met five minutes ago after a tornado warning was issued. The Fearless One hasn’t yet faced a challenge that gives them pause.
The Fix-It Friend
Yes, they can fix that. Yes, that too. Pass the bailing twine and duct tape please! They can wrap a leg or a hoof in 30 seconds flat. Go ahead, time them. This model can typically be seen carrying a couple of extra double-ended snaps. Oh, and that shoe your horse lost yesterday? Yeah, they found that in the field this morning. Some weird sixth-sense kind of thing… don’t question it, just appreciate it.
The Conventional One
Picture this: it’s July, the forecast reads 102 degrees at 9am, and you’re at a horse show. The announcer states that show jackets are optional. Everyone but one enters the ring in only a show shirt. The Conventional One strikes again. You won’t catch them without a hairnet on. The tack that they clean using the very same saddle soap they purchased when they first started riding? Strictly brown – no black, no bling, thanks for asking.
The Unbothered One
Can be seen arriving at the arena 10 minutes past their ride time (which is considered “early” for them) with their polo untucked and mismatched socks. This model does not come with a Tide Stain Stick, because The Unbothered One wouldn’t know the first thing about how to identify a sweat stain. When asked what they were doing out in their horse’s grassy paddock for so long, their answer is always simple: just vibing.
The Matchy-Matchy One
Indeed, The Matchy-Matchy One can tell you the nuanced differences between the three different shades of blue you just presented to them. And yes, they are offended that you thought they wouldn’t notice. Everything of theirs is color-coded, down to the very last braiding elastic. They’ve never seen a tack set they didn’t like, and they most definitely ordered those trendy knitted pom-pom ear bonnet and hat sets for them and their horse — but only in the correct shade of blue.
We may not all be the same when it comes to our trends in and out of the saddle, but one thing we can agree on is that horses, and the people that we get to meet because of them, are pretty darn awesome. Tell us which “Barn Rat” description suits you best, and then go poke fun at your barn pals by tagging them too!